Disturbing news has reached our Yuletide youthful innocence bunker that Microsoft's new artificial intelligence-powered Santa bot is subjecting the world's children to an unprecendented torrent of filth.
Reg reader Iain blew the whistle on the foul-mouthed software after his nieces - just 11 and 13 years old - were drawn into a chat about oral sex.
Redmond has added the seasonal ID northpole@live.com to MSN messenger. Anyone can add the bot as a contact. During conversations it often suggests people play a child-friendly online game called Factory Frenzy where the player helps Santa's elves. It also has a shocking predeliction for casually dropping in that it likes to talk about a certain sex act.
Iain told us that an unexpected profane outburst was triggered by his nieces offering the nasty St Nick a slice of digital pizza, using the string "(pi)". We immediately launched a full scale investigation and attempted to replicate the bad behaviour.
We present the sickening results below:
El Reg says: pizza (pi)
Santa says: Yum! What do you want for Christmas, El Reg?
El Reg says: Maybe you shouldn't eat so much! You are quite large!
Santa says: My elves will get right on that. And what else are you wishing for this year, El Reg?
El Reg says: Maybe you shouldn't eat it?
Santa says: See if you can get someone else to eat it!
El Reg says: Eat it
Santa says: No thank you. I don't eat things!
El Reg says: Eat it
Santa says: See if you can get someone else to eat it!
El Reg says: Eat it
Santa says: You want me to eat what?!? It's fun to talk about oral sex, but I want to chat about something else...
El Reg says: You dirty bastard!
Santa says: I think you're dirty bastard.
This coming from the service that banned the surname Woodcock as an ID.
Here's the full screen grab of Santa's tirade, which will form part of the dossier that we'll be forwarding to Interpol. It is very similar to the inappropriate conversational gambits Iain's nieces read, although Santa stopped short of calling them "dirty bastards".
Iain wrote: "I guess my main complaint is that my young nieces saw it, I am shocked and appalled that this slipped through but am just plain upset my nieces saw this."
Beyond the immediate vulgarity, he lamented the lifelong effect this Père Noel has had on the girls' fragile sense of wonder: "They do not fully still believe in Santa but they still like the magic and are unsure either way - this has pretty much made their minds up!"
We've contacted Microsoft for an explanation and an apology.
While we're sure that Redmond wouldn't allow its developers to turn pranksters, we're shocked (shocked!) that Microsoft would rush out a piece of software that clearly isn't ready for public consumption. Oh, wait... ®
Update
Looks like Redmond's wholesomeness committee has swooped already - Santa's stopped giving his opinions on sexy chit chat. Asking him to eat pizza now elicits the response "If you need a break to go eat, I will be right there when you come back."
Call Santa a "dirty bastard" now and he'll say: "Merry Christmas, especially to all my friends in the UK!"
Very amusing.
We await an apology for Iain's nieces, and if someone at Microsoft would like to restore their faith in Christmas with some presents, we'll happily put you in touch.
Update 2
We're indebted to one of our commenters for news of another eccentricity of the bot. When Santa asks what you want for Christmas, try saying "cake". He'll reply: "You don't need drugs when you're high on life!"
Someone at Microsoft is a Brasseye fan apparently. The uninitiated should watch this.
Update 3
Microsoft has sent us a Christmas card:
"Microsoft has been made aware of claims of an inappropriate conversation taking place between a customer of Windows Live Messenger and an automated Santa Claus agent on Messenger. We’re actively investigating the situation and are working to take the appropriate steps to address the situation as rapidly as possible. We sincerely apologise for any upset or offence this may have caused our customers."
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